A man, who was an average golfer, was on the 11th tee at Augusta. He promptly shanks a shot into the trees. Upon discovering his ball, he found it to be next to a witch.
The witch was stirring a pot of golfer's brew. The gentleman asked the witch what the brew was for. The witch responded that the brew would do two things; first he would become the best golfer in the world and secondly his sex life would go to hell. And like most golfers I know, he choose the brew and better golf.
A year goes by and the man has won every major championship and is world renowned for his golf game. But, upon arriving at the 11th tee at Augusta, he hits a shot in the same woods where he reunits with the witch.
The witch remembers him and asks, "How's your golf game?" He responds, "Fantastic!" Then she says, "How's your sex life?" He responds, "Not bad..."
The witch says "Not Bad? What do you mean not bad??" The man says "Twice last more...
Knock Knock Who's there? Audrey! Audrey who? Audrey be doing this! Knock Knock Who's there? Augusta! Augusta who? Augusta go home now! Knock Knock Who's there? Aunt Lou! Aunt Lou who? Aunt Lou do you think you are! Knock Knock Who's there? Ashley! Ashley who? Ashley-t's foot! Knock Knock Who's there? Asia! Asia who? Asia you going to let me in then!
Tiger also received a spanking from an Augusta dominatrix.
Augusta go home now!
The Perfect Day - Her 8: 45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9: 00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9: 30 Light Breakfast 11: 00 Sunbathe 12: 30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1: 45 Shopping 2: 30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3: 00 Facial, massage, nap 7: 30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10: 00 Make love 11: 30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms The Perfect Day - Him 6: 45 Alarm. 7: 00 Shower and massage. 7: 30 Blowjob. 7: 45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section. 8: 15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys. 8: 30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9: 30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 11: 30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens. 12: 30 Blowjob. 12: 45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club. 2: 30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini. 3: 30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and more...