"Most Venomous Snake" joke

NAME: Trouser Snake (Expetirious Trouseris)

LOCATION; Throughout the world.

DESCRIPTION:

One eyed with mushroom-shaped head (others types may come with extra layers of skin)

*Varying from pink to black.

*Fang-less with a highly venomous spit (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet).

*Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.

SYMPTOMS; This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.

*WARNING* BEWARE: It has been know to attack men in the lower abdomen!!!!!!!

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms. Likes dark damp caves. but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccines are available for women. However once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED:

*TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is already too deep in the body to be affected.

*CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

*SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

ANTI-VENOM:

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid, and start spitting.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 10-20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake although it is very aggressive and active is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect makes a wonderful pet.