Wound Jokes

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    HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
    The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
    note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
    1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
    apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
    witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
    2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
    Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
    was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
    3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
    Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
    head, ruled a suicide.
    4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
    Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

    True love

    Hot 2 years ago

    It was a busy morning, approximately 8: 30 a. m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9: 00 am.
    I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
    On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
    While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
    I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease.
    As we more...

    I've got one of those wristwatches that is wound by movement. The first page of the instruction leaflet says, "This watch is wound by normal wrist movement. Three minutes of normal wrist movement will wind the watch for about 8 hours."
    That means that an episode of Baywatch should wind it up for, let's say about a week. :-)
    (For those in countries which don't receive Baywatch, it is a US American TV series in which everything from plot to production values is secondary to the breast size of the female characters.)

    Name: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
    Location: Throughout the world
    Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra
    layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
    spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12
    inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
    Symptoms: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
    resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by
    excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware:
    It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
    Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
    unusual places.
    Antidote: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
    venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete
    recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
    What To Do more...

    Why English is tough

    Hot 1 year ago

    Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.1. The bandage was wound around the wound.2. The farm was used to produce produce.3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.4. We must polish the Polish furniture.5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.10. I did not object to the object.11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.13. They were too close to the door to close it.14. The buck does funny things when does are present.15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.19. Upon seeing the tear in the more...

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