Snake Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Short Lawyer Jokes III

    Hot 2 years ago

    Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
    A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
    If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
    Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
    A: Not enough cement.
    Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
    A: Another lawyer.
    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him.
    Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: How many can you afford?
    Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
    A: The vulture eventually lets go.
    Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up more...

    A Rude Dravidian Awakening

    Hot 4 years agoby
    Udayan

    A Dravidian man falls asleep in a coconut grove. After a while a gigantic Kerala King Cobra slowly crawls along his legs & into his lungi (loin-cloth). Putting its head through an opening in front, the black serpent rises & spreads its fangs. Just as it is about to strike him in the face, the sleeping Dravidian man wakes up. Puzzled, he exclaims, "My horny South Indian King Cobra, I knew you were Big, Black & Dravidian! But from where did you get those bright green eyes ?"

    Impaired Vision

    Hot 8 months ago

    An old snake went to his doctor and told him, "Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don't seem to see very well nowadays."
    The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
    When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
    "Great," replied the snake. "Only problem is, now I'm very depressed."
    "Why are you depressed?" asked the doctor. "Didn't the glasses help?"
    "Oh, the glasses are great, doc," replied the snake. "The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I've been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years."

    Blind Snake

    Hot 2 years ago

    "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there."
    "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
    "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?"So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a BUNNY RABBIT!" [The little blind bunny was so pleased at this that he danced with joy.] The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?"
    The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, more...

    Name: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
    Location: Throughout the world
    Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra
    layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
    spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12
    inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
    Symptoms: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
    resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by
    excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware:
    It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
    Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
    unusual places.
    Antidote: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
    venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete
    recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
    What To Do more...

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