"Men & Marriage One-Liners 2" joke

A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law’s death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, ‘Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes. ’

The wife wants to try the missionary position. She’s on top while I’m in Africa.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals. ”

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

A woman posted a personal ad that read, “Husband wanted”. The next day she received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine!! ”

Man: “I know how to please a woman. ”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone. ”

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? ” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man. ”

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you. ” The wife replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice. ”

What’s the difference between a man & a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly & always scratching its ass, and the other is a chimpanzee.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Man: “If I could just see you naked, I’d die happy. ”
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing. ”

Man: “Your body is like a temple. ”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today. ”