"Bill Gates died and went to stand before God..." joke
God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision...I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that Windows95, among other things. I believe I'll do something I've never done before...
I'll let YOU decide where you want to go.
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'll do better than that. I'll let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you want to visit first...Heaven or Hell?"
Bill said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place...a bit warm...with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great!", he thought. "If this is Hell, then I can't wait to see Heaven."
Within a second of his thought, there was another flash of lightning and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high in the clouds where angels were drifting about playing on their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill cupped his hands, called out his decision to God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed and God decided to check up on Bill to see how he getting along in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
"So...how is everything going?", God asked.
Bill responded in a cracking voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's NOTHING like the Hell I visited the first time! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place... with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?"
"That was the demo.", replied God.
I was chatting up a girl last night. I said, "Is your dad a thief?"
She said, "Why, because he stole the stars and put them in my eyes?"
I said, "No, because you're a scouser."
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Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.
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