Lightning Jokes

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    Lightning

    Hot 1 year ago

    My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

    Building the Ark

    Hot 3 years ago

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."
    And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
    The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big more...

    Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
    Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
    Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
    Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
    Jesus was part of the Trinity.
    Elvis' first band was a trio.
    Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
    Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
    Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
    Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
    Jesus was resurrected.
    Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
    Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
    Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
    Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
    Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
    Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
    Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
    Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
    Neil Matthews more...

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah."Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had more...

    And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.''
    And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
    ''Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
    ''Six months, and it starts to rain,'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.''
    And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
    ''Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?'' A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
    ''Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get more...

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