My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Once Chuck Norris had a boner.
Their were no survivors
President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear.
All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!".
Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.