My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear? Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.
a man walks into a doctor with a steering wheel down his pants and the doctor says "whats the matter;"and the man say "i dont know but its driving me nuts
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!"