Top 50 Worst Reasons to pull an all-nighter
by Jeremy "Shaggy" Toeman (email@example.com)
NOTE: an all-nighter means missing one night's worth of sleep.
Heated "Less-filling" "Tastes great" debate.
Need to figure out which way is east. Wait for sunrise.
Watching Professional Wrestling.
Writing script to "Problem Child 3" in an attempt to put to rest all
the unanswered questions from 1 and 2.
Cramming for a test you have the following week.
Waiting for friend to call back with answer to "How do you keep an
idiot up all night?"
Anything involving latin, Taylor's series, or heat transfer.
Attempting to discover how many licks it takes to get to the center
of a Tootsie Pop.
Slightly confused on that whole 5 o'clock shadow thing.
Listening to every CD you own using that cool "intro" feature that
comes in SO handy with every CD player available.
John Wayne-a-thon on channel 2.
Trying to figure out all the words to that Nirvana song.
UCBTalking to anyone you won't ever spend intimate time with. Same
goes for IRC and Broadcast.
Watering plants. Dead plants. Rocks. Dirt. The cat.
Trying to draw a perfect circle freehand, with crayons.
Singing along with "Achy Breaky Heart" over and over again. What
catchy lyrics that song has, eh?
Second-guessing your clock. (Also works well with Traffic Lights, and
simply anything that blinks on and off forever)
Driving to every 7-11 (or Circle K) in town, just to check that they
are being faithful to their "Open 24 Hours" policies.
Tring to figure out just why Wil Wheaton is a star.
Pricking yourself with a pin every 5 minutes, just for the heck of
Reading all the articles in your entire Playboy collection to see how
relevant they are to today's economy.
Spinning round and round in circles until you get so dizzy you hurl.
Repeat in opposite direction. Figure out which way makes you blow
chunks faster. Try to keep spinning while heaving.
Coming up with as many colorful euphemisms for the term "vomit" as
possible. (e.g. spew, yak, ralph, etc...)
Thinking about ways the world would be different if there was no
Spelunking. In your basement.
Price shopping for beef jerky at any 24-hour supermarkets.
Thinking about that 14-year old brat who sent in $1000 to Clinton,
when you splurge on a Whopper Combo.
Making popcorn, or blowing balloons. (Sorry, inside joke. They are
still NOT good reasons to pull an all-nighter, however)
Pulling out each strand in a Koosh ball. Reassemble the koosh ball.
Repeat. Juggle on occasion.
Pretending it is really 12 hours later than it is. (i.e. Going to
classes, eating lunch, waiting for the soaps to come on...)
Just watching that flashing 12:00 on your VCR because you looked at
your other clocks already, and are simply looking for a second
Rearranging your room all night long, attempting to make the WORST
setup possible, just to show that you would do such a thing.
Learn how to communicate better with the animal kingdom.
Trying to figure out how that counter works on a VCR. Once you do
figure it out, borrow a friend's VCR. Repeat until insane.
Memorizing all the area codes. (Other good things: local phone
prefixes, zip codes, time zones, etc...)
Wanting to see cool times on your clock like 1:23, 6:66, 4:56, 00:69,
6:30, etc... (If you actually look for some of these times, you may
end up waiting more than all night...)
Pulling all your hair out so you can organize it by color, length,
thickness, straightness. Continue doing so until they haul you off to
the loony bin.
Learning sanskrit, serbo-croatian, ancient french, klingon, or any
other language you probably won't have much call for.
Anything that has to do with Star Trek. (ESPECIALLY watching Star
Trek 5 or 1 really... or that Deep Space show....)
Catching up with all those missed episodes of Coach you taped, so you
can follow along with the current, in-
Not enough votes...