An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her more...Jenny
10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to stay with you.
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
3. Days off from work.
1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!
Fancy company has a party and rents the restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center. Late in the evening, somebody notices a wallflower standing by himself by an open window. He walks over. Guy: "Hi! Keeping to yourself?" Wallflower: "Oh, hi. No, I'm just examining the wind patterns here. I think I have them figured out. If I took a running jump out there, I believe that the updraft would lift me back up and eventually deliver me back here." Guy: "Eh, can I get you a drink? Would you like to come back to the bar?" Wallflower: "No. I've made the calculations, so I have to try it!" Before the guy can stop him, the wallflower takes a running leap out of the 112th floor window. Guy gapes out, and sees wallflower hovering in the updraft, then slowly rising back up to be deposited in the window again. Wallflower: "I'll take that drink now, if you don't mind." Guy: "That was freakin' amazing! Think I could do it?" Wallflower: more...
I've got one of those wristwatches that is wound by movement. The first page of the instruction leaflet says, "This watch is wound by normal wrist movement. Three minutes of normal wrist movement will wind the watch for about 8 hours."
That means that an episode of Baywatch should wind it up for, let's say about a week. :-)
(For those in countries which don't receive Baywatch, it is a US American TV series in which everything from plot to production values is secondary to the breast size of the female characters.)