An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her more...
I've got one of those wristwatches that is wound by movement. The first page of the instruction leaflet says, "This watch is wound by normal wrist movement. Three minutes of normal wrist movement will wind the watch for about 8 hours."
That means that an episode of Baywatch should wind it up for, let's say about a week. :-)
(For those in countries which don't receive Baywatch, it is a US American TV series in which everything from plot to production values is secondary to the breast size of the female characters.)
A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"
The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.
All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"
He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this more...
It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler. .."Seamus. .. Seamus. .. the wind is cutt'n me chest out!" "Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back. .. that'll block the wind for you." So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. "T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers. "Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here. . but since we more...