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An old man walked into doctors chambers with an old lady and wanted to talk to the doctor. He told the doctor that he wanted the doctor to watch him having sex with the lady and tell him whether he was doing properly.
The doctor watched and told he was quite ok and there was nothing wrong with him. The man paid 20. 00 dollars as the co payment and went away. Next he walked in again and did the same thing while doctor watched.
Third week when he came again docotr told him " My friend this joke want do". You are upto something and I cannot watch this game again and again.
The man told the doc that if he rent a room at a hotel he had to pay atleast 75 dollers. This way he gets medicare payment for the visit 60 dollars and after paying the doctor he makes a profit of 40 dollars. That was his last visit.

TRAVELLER'S TALES
 
 
IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS:
 "Visitors are expected to complain at the officebetween the hours of 9 and 11 a. m. daily."
IN A JAPANESE HOTEL:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE:
Ladies are requested not to have childrenin the bar.
AT A BUDAPEST ZOO:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have anysuitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY:
Take one of our horse-driven citytours. We guarantee no more...

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's more...

Psychic Visit Joke
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. After paying her a scandalous amount of money, the psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Grandaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat responds. "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes grandaughter, it's me," is the response. "It's really, really you grandmother?" the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me grandaughter." The woman looks puzzled. "You're SURE it's you grandmother?" "Yes, grandaughter - I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment. "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child," comes the response. The woman pauses another moment before asking, "Grandmother -- when did you more...

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!"

A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried. When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD..." Blonde
Blonde panel beater "A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.
She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.
The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.
She said that was too much and wasn't there some other way to fix it.
The body man decided to have a little fun and said "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out"
She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.
She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came more...

Morris and Sidney were discussing the prospects of their upcoming retirement. While Sidney had lots of hobbies, Morris had none and was rather concerned about having nothing to do.

Sidney suggested his friend go visit his kids. Morris said, "Well, I only have two kids, but I could buy a motor home and go visit my brothers and sisters a couple of weeks each. That would take about a year."

Sidney looked a bit puzzled, so his friend said, "I'm one of eighteen kids in my family."

Sidney's eyes got rather large, contemplating eighteen children, so Morris volunteered to explain.

"The problem was, my mother was hard of hearing."

"What do you mean?" asked Sidney.

"My Mom and Dad would go to bed at night, and my Dad would ask,' Do you want to go to sleep, or what?' and my Mom would say,' What?'"