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Tooth Fairy's Form Letter
Dear:
Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
( ) the tooth could not be found ( ) it was not a human tooth ( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny ( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor ( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash ( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you ( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails ( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action ( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy ( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received ( ) the tooth is still in your mouth ( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit ( ) no nightlight was more...

Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to more...

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...

Jewish Mothers
Q: Why did the Jewish Mother want to be buried near Brent Cross Shopping Centre?
A: To be sure her daughter would visit her twice a week. Q: What did the Jewish Mother cash dispenser say to her customer?
A: You never write, you never call and you only visit me when you need money. Q: What did the Jewish Mother say when her daughter told her she was having an affair?
A: Who`s doing the catering? Q: What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers smoke?
A: Gefiltered. Q: What is the most common disease transmitted by Jewish Mothers?
A: Guilt. Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make such good parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. Q: What is a genius?
A: An average pupil with a Jewish Mother.

Because I'm a Guy...
...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
...when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
...when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
...I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like more...

Because I'm a Guy... I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator....when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer....when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue....I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot more...

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I have a wife and three children and I’d love to have you visit us. ” “Great. Where do you live? ” “Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I’ll let you in. ” “Good. But tell me… what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow? ” “Surely, you’re not coming empty-handed. ”