Utter Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A couple had two boys who were 8 and 10 years old and very mischievous. If there was ever any trouble in town, the couple knew the boys were involved. The mother was told about a local clergyman who was great at disciplining children, so she contacted him and asked if he would speak to her boys. He agreed to meet with them individually and she sent the younger boy to his office.
    The clergyman was a huge man with a booming voice. He sat the young boy down and asked, "Where is God?" The boy's eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open, but he didn't utter a sound. With much more strictness, the clergyman repeated the question, "Where is God?" Again, the boy didn't utter a sound, he just sat rigid in his seat.
    Furious, the clergyman shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?" The boy let out a scream, ducked out of the room, ran all the way home and hid under his bed.
    When his older brother entered the bedroom and found him more...

    A woman owned a parrot that could say only one thing “ "Who is it?" For years and years she had been trying to teach it to extend its vocabulary, but it resolutely refused to utter anything other than "Who is it?"
    One day she had sent for the plumber, and as she had to go out shopping she arranged for him to find the key under the mat outside the front door. The plumber duly arrived, found the key, let himself in and set to work. Naturally the parrot, hearing someone in the house with an unfamiliar tread, decided to give a recital. "Who is it?" called the parrot. The plumber!" called the workman. Hearing a strange voice the parrot again decided to utter his one and only phrase. "Who is it?"
    "The plumber!" came the response.
    The parrot was not satisfied “ he wanted to see who the stranger was. "Who is it? He called again, and again the plumber yelled out "It`s the plumber!" Again and again the bird more...

    Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord...

    1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

    2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

    3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

    4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

    5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of more...

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