Tone Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Camptown Races":
I can't come to the telephone;
doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone;
oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday...
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.(From a machine at a college dorm:)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message." Hi. Now you say something." "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so more...
Nobody's home.
Why have you called?
Please leave your message after you hear the tone.
We will call you back when we get home.
Your message here.
After the tone,
Here is the tone... tone... BEEP
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.
Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the more...