Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes
A long time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy say's "papa, you do many many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."
"Well Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You usea thisa one to pointata what evea you wanta. You see youa thumb? You usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella you about thata one when you getta married."
Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with Papa. Tony said "Papa, many a year I use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages with my thumb, I've picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful ring on my finger from the love of my more...
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of money on bar. He asks the bartender what it is for, the bartender tells him about the pub challenge. The man asks what he has to do and the bartender says "
Well, firstly you have to cut your thumb with a rusty knife, then you have to pull a tooth out of the angry dog in the back, lastly you have to have sex with that old woman in the corner."
The man decides not to do it and so continues drinking. After a few drinks he decides he will try the challenge and so he puts the money in the jar. He walks over to the rusty knife and cuts his thumb. He walks out to the back to do the next part. The people in the bar hear him screaming and the dog barking. After a few minutes he returns with blood all over his shirt and says "
So where's this old woman I have to pull the tooth out of then?"
A priest comes out of the church to find Little Johnny sitting on the steps. The boy is killing ants by smashing them with his thumb, saying, "Fucking ants," with each smash. The priest watches for a moment, horrified, before running over to Little Johnny.
"What are you doing!?!?!" the priest shouts at him.
"I'm killing these fucking ants," responds Little Johnny.
Visibly upset, the priest sits next to Little Johnny. "My son, don't you know that it is wrong to harm any of God's creatures? God created every living being and it is a sin to kill any of them, including ants."
Little Johnny thinks about this a minute and says to the priest, "But these ants don't do anything. They just bother people."
The priest responds, "Everything in life has a purpose my son, including these ants. I want you to go home and think about that. In fact, I challenge you to come back here in one week and see if you can think of three more...
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat."Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!""What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has, tires, or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.