Thier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three guys are coming back from a hunting trip, when thier truck breaks down. The 1st guy says I think I saw a farm house back down the road about a mile. So they start walking and by the time they get thier it's getting dark. They ask the lady that lives in the house if they can use her phone, she says "I ain't got a phone but yer welcome to stay here for the night, as long as you don't make fun of my son because he don't have any ears"
So they are all siting around the T.V. with thier own section of the newspaper. The first guy looks up at the boy and says "take care of your teeth because when you get old like me you won't have any"
The second guy looks up over the section of news paper he has and says "boy...you better take good care of your hair because when you get old like me you won't have any"
So then the third guy looks up at the boy and says "boy you better take good care of your eyes because when you get old you won't be able more...

There was three men walking through the rainforest one day when they came accross a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals gave them an ultimatum, to go out into the forest and bring back three pieces of fruit each, or be eaten. The men most obviously chose to search for fruit.They each went thier seperate ways to look for thier bounty. The first man to come back, came with 3 strawberrys. It was as he arrived back at the camp that the chief explained to them that he would be putting the fruit up his bottom. And if he moved or made the slightest noise, he would be eaten. The man complied, but on the second strawberry surcumb to the pain and winced. Evidently he was eaten and was waiting for the next man to come along to see what happened to him. Sure enough the second man came along with 3 apples. It was the same deal, but on the last apple, he began to crack up laughing. Sure enough, he was also eaten. As he arrived in heaven, the first man asked him, "why did you do that? You were more...

So this guy wakes up in hell and the devil tells him you have 3 options for your torture. So the devil takes him to the first room and every body is standing on thier heads in hot coals so the guy says no way lets go to the next room. The next room has every body on thier heads in gravel so the guy says ok whats next . In the next room every one is standing in human crap drinking coffee so the guy says ok I will do this cause it has no pain. Then when the devil leaves a voice over the intercom says ok break over back on your heads.

President Clinton was on his usuall jog for the day when he saw a little boy who had several puppies with him. The President asked him what their names where, the little boy said their names are DEMOCRATICS. The Pres. said oh what great namews for the puppies.
So the next day president Clinton went jogging with his duaghter Chelse so that she could see the puppies and when they came up to the little boy, the president told him to tell Chelse the puppies names; and the little boy replied thier names are REPUBLICANS.
Then the president said "you told me yesterday that thier were DEMOCRATICS", and the little said yeah that was yesterday when their eyers were closed, but today theire opened.

How does a blond girl turn the lights on after sex?
Open the car door!
Why do blonds wear panties?
To keep thier ankles warm!
Why don't blonds like vibrators?
They hurt thier teeth!
How do you drown a blond?
Throw a mirror in the pool!
A blond girl is driving along a country road and notices another blond girl out in a nearby wheat field, in a row boat! So she gets out of her car and walks up to the fence and yells, your lucky I can't swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass for giving blonds a bad name!!
Why do most blonds have long hair?
To hide the valve stem on the back of thier necks!

there was this boy and he wa in kindergarden and his teacher told the class that thier homework was to go home and find three word to add to thier spelling list and the boy wa walking home he seen this girl said to her said to her brother shut up and then he seen this guy say to his girlfriend come on baby lets go then he seen some kid say superman then he said ok i have my three words for tomarrow.so the next day his teacher said timmy what is your three words he said shut up the teacher said yound man do you want to go to the principles office he said come on baby lets go she said who do you thank you are he aid superman!!!

A young man in high school was falling behind in his classes, he was also getting into other trouble(fights, drugs, sex, etc). His family was rather religious so they asked thier local priest to talk to thier child. Thier conversation went something like this;Priest: Son, why are you falling behind in school?
Kid: I was just following the bible father.
Priest:...any paticular part?
Kid: The book of procrastination.
Priest:...I don't quite remember that one...
Kid: of course not, God never got around to putting it in.