Term Jokes / Recent Jokes

The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway."An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said,' begins@7:30PM'."

There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.He had no trouble with discipline that term.

The James Bond Award to a Japanese businessman who recently left Houston to take a new job in his native country. To friends and acquaintances, he supplied his new direct phone number, but warned, "The phone will only be activated when the caller says, 'You have a paint job' (9 to 5) or 'You have a golf game' (24 hours). I await your call."
The Plain English Award to Faroudja Inc. The Silicon Valley company announced two new processors in a news release that told us: "A new YPrPb output allows the DVP3000 and DVP3000U to connect to the growing number of entry-level HDTV-ready sets in which an RGB output may not be compatible. New direct access infrared control software optimizes the models for use in theater or A/V installations employing IR-based control systems. RS232 serial computer control is also included."
Our Stupid Lawyer Trick Award to the attorneys for the Galleria. In a letter castigating me for my use of the term "the Galleria area" more...

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.""Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy.""OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

WOMBAT:
Stands for "Waste of Money, Brains and Time". Suitable for describing a person, product or project.
Code 18:
An error made by the user. Refers to the 18 inches that separate a user's face from the computer display.
Lasagna Syndrome:
Writing a piece of software with so many overlapping dialog boxes that it's nearly impossible to complete a task.
Nerd Bird:
Any weekday direct airline flight between another U.S. city and San Jose, California. These flights are typically over-populated with engineers and technical types, so a good amount of job seeking and rumor-milling occurs during each run.
Waldo:
A demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
Booth Bunny:
The attractive women staffing the booths at tradeshows that do not work for the main company represented and have no technical knowledge whatsoever.
Triority:
The three things your manager would have you do at once.
I/O more...

Redneck Sex Test
1.The clitoris is a type of flower... True or False
2.A pubic hair is a wild rabbit... True or False
3.Spread Eagle is an extinct bird... True or False
4.Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack... True or False
5.A menstrual cycle has three wheels... True or False
6.A G-string is part of a fiddle... True or False
7.Semen is a term for sailors... True or False
8.Anus is a Latin term for yearly... True or False
9.Testicles are found on an Octopus... True or False
10.Asphalt describes rectal problems... True or False
11.KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati... True or False
12.Masturbate is used to catch large fish... True or False
13.Coitus is a musical instrument... True or False
14.Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke... True or False
15.An umbilical chord is part of a parachute... True or False
16.A condom is a large apartment complex... True or False
17.An orgasm is a person who more...