Telemarketer Jokes / Recent Jokes

What
to do when your dinner is interrupted:
- Ask them if they've got beer
- Start speaking in tongues
- Tell them that person doesn't live there anymore.
Give them the number of an adult service and tell
them that it is her/his new number
- Tell them that you're not there right now
- Ask them if they accept coupons
- Start selling them something else
- If someone calls soliciting donations, tell them
you're poor and ask for money instead
- Start preaching your religion to them
- Pretend you're a recording and say "The number
you have reached is not in service. Please check the
number and dial again, or talk to your operator for
assistance. Recording A4." Extra points for imitating
the 3 rising tones at the beginning.
- Try to hypnotise the telemarketer
- Play a recording of a busy signal
- Put on some really annoying music and put the phone
up to the stereo.
- Ask the telemarketer if more...

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a telemarketer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer's house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu says, "I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn." So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the Hindu and he says, "There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow."

So, the Rabbi says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn." A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.

So, the telemarketer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.

It's the pig and the cow...

How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"
2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card.
3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling more...

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:Me: HelloAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T.Me: OK, hold on.At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir.Me: I more...

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood."I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The more...

Customer answering phone call from one of those telemarketers with the “We have the lowest long distance phone rates” lines… (You know, the ones that call just as you are taking the first bite of your dinner!) Customer: I’m glad you called! I’ve been wanting to get signed up for that new “nickel-a-minute” rate! Telemarketer: Certainly, Sir! Just let me get some information from you. Customer: Right, well, can you go ahead and tell me when I’ll get my first check? Telemarketer: What, Sir? Customer: Well, since you’re going to give me a nickel a minute, I wondered when I’ll start getting paid. Telemarketer: No, Sir, we don’t PAY you. Customer: You mean this is a FRAUD? Telemarketer: No, Sir! It’s just that we don’t PAY you the nickel a minute. Let me let you talk to a supervisor. …. long conversation with supervisor… Telemarketer: Now do you understand, Sir? Customer: I guess so. Could we talk about the “friends-and-family” plan? I’ve always wanted a more...

10 ways to stop those credit card sales

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.

2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.

3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

4. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.

6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak. louder.. . louder!

7. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.

8. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days more...