Stop Jokes / Recent Jokes
Overcome by passion, a man and his secretary go to his home for an afternoon of fun.
"You don't have to worry," he purrs, "my wife is out of town visiting her mother, so there's no risk."
As things begin to get hot and heavy, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "Stop! We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!"
"Oh, that's not a problem," he pants, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After searching for a few minutes, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "I always knew she didn't trust me. She took the damn thing with her!"
Don't you wish when life is bad
and things just don't compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?
Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those special keys
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid,
your wife, well she's just mute
Just stop and hit those wonderful keys
that make it all reboot
You'd like to have another job
but you fear living in the street?
You solve it all and start a new,
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
Don't you wish when life is badand things just don't compute, That all we really had to dowas stop and hit reboot? Things would all turn out ok, life could be so sweetIf we had those special keysCtrl, Alt, and DeleteYour boss is mad, your bills not paid, your wife, well she's just muteJust stop and hit those wonderful keysthat make it all rebootYou'd like to have another jobbut you fear living in the street? You solve it all and start a new, Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Sunday, December 13, 1992After police pulled over Kevin Temple, 35, in a routine traffic stop in Bronson, Fla., in October, a police dog sniffing the trunk became agitated. In the trunk and back seat, officers found the following live animals: 48 rattlesnakes, a Gila monster, 45 non-poisonous snakes, 67 scorpions, several tarantulas and small lizards, and a parrot. Temple said they were just pets.
It's great to be a bloke because:
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice more...
T’was the week before Christmas and all through the school Not a pupil was silent, no matter what rule. The children were busy with paper and paste; The mess that they made with it couldn’t be faced.
The teacher half frantic and almost in tears, Had just settled down to work with her dears, When out in the hall there arose such a clatter up sprang the kids to see what was the matter!
Away to the door they all flew like a flash; The one who was leading went down with a crash. Then what to their wondering eyes did appear But a green Christmas tree! (To decorate I fear!)
When the teacher saw this, she almost grew sick. She knew in a moment it must be (the janator) Old Nick! She ran to the door (all her efforts were vain) But she shouted, and stamped, and she called them by name;
”Now Tommy! Now Sandy, Now Judy and Harry! Stop Billy! Stop Robert! Stop Donny and Sherry! Now get to your places get away from the hall Now get away! Get away! more...