Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes
The CEO arrived for his appointment with the urologist who informed him he'd need a sperm sample. The doctor told him to go into room four. When he entered the room, he was floored by two gorgeous, topless women. With a smile, they beckoned him to a table, undressed him, then began to stimulated him to the largest emission of his life.
With a smile and a huge sperm sample, the CEO walked out of the room. Realizing he had to take a leak, he opened to door to what he thought was the bathroom and closed it quickly when he realized he'd made a mistake, since there was a guy in there whacking off to a beat up copy of Hustler. He opened a second door and saw a guy getting off to a Playboy centerfold
Just then the doctor came down the hall. The CEO gestured to the rooms with magzines and said, "What's with those guys?"
The doctor said, "Them... they're just my Medicaid patients."
A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.
The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.
A 76 year old man went to the doctor for a sperm count. The doctor gave him a jar with a lid on it and told the old man to bring him back a sample.
The man returned in about three hours with an empty jar. The doc looked at him and said, "Where's the sample?"
The old man looked at the doc and said, "Well, it's like this doc. I tried it with my left hand, I tried it with my right hand. My wife tried with her left hand and she tried it with her right hand. She even tried it with her teeth in and her teeth out and we couldn't get the damn jar open."
Two of Clinton's sperm are swimming around in Monica, when one of the sperm looks at the other and says," Hey I think we are coming close to the ovaries"... the other looks at the other sperm and says," Hey relax we just passed the tonsils."
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A more...
What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
They both hope to be human someday.