Speech Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: “If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly? ”
“Yeah, sure thing, ” replied his friend, “fire away. ”
“Well, ” said the first guy, “why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive? ”
“It’s probably because of her speech impediment, ” replied the second guy.
“What do you mean her speech impediment? ”
inquired the first fellow.
“My wife doesn’t have a speech impediment! ”
“Well, ” replied his friend, “you must be the only guy who hasn’t noticed that she can’t say ‘NO’!! ”

The Romantic Comedy. More about the new star of the Republican Party, Sarah Palin. What's up with barely mentioning George Bush? There may be some George Bush themes in McCain's Acceptance Speech.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
'Well' he explained' By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen'.
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English fool and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
'Well' he explained' By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen'.
On his way up to the podium the more...

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former “loves”. I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment. George said, “Jimmy, I’m shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl’s problem? ” Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. “She couldn’t say ‘Yes’. ”

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying,' Hello, Steve'."

Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."

The little man says, "Fuck off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucketplease?"The assistant asked"Pardon sir?"."Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for hisbucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -"Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant andasked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?". So he more...

A minister of government whose knowledge of English was very poor was provided with a secretary to write speeches for him.' Give me a fifteen-minute speech on the non-aligned movement,' ordered the boss.
The text was prepared to last exactly fifteen minutes. But when the minister proceeded to make his oration, it took him half an hour to do so. The organisers of the conference were upset because their schedule went awry. And the minister was upset because his secretary had let him down. He upbraided him:' I asked for a fifteen minute speech; you gave me a half-hour speech. Why?', he demanded.
'Sir, I gave a fifteen minute speech. But you read out its carbon copy as well.'