Solicitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questionedhis client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first outof bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in forunnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything aboutthe connubial." Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out arewhat grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation,"you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for youseeking this divorce?" "Ah, more...

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. Sure now, we only have a carport. The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial practices?""Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial."

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless you, sir. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds.""Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" more...

A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pick it up." The old man answered, "This is my property yer crossin into, and I'm tellin you, yer not coming over." The indignant attorney said, "I'll have you knw that I'm one of the best solicitors in all of Ireland, and if you don't let me retrieve my bird, I'll take ye to court for everything y'own!" The old farmer looked him over and said, "Well now, being as how you're not from around here, you don't know how we settle things like this. Y'see now, here we use the three-kick method. "And what would that be?", asked the lawyer. The farmer said, "First I kick you three times and then you do the same to me, and back and forth like that till more...

Once, in Dublin, a solicitor came up to a barrister to beg a subscription towards the funeral expenses of a brother solicitor who had died in distressed circumstances.
The barrister at once tendered a pound note.
"Oh, I only want a shulling from each contributor" said the solicitor.
"Take it, my dear fellow," replied the barrister. "And while you're at it, bury twenty of them!"
The following joke is with apology to all the wonderful lawyers who do give selflessly to public service but with no apology to those who overbill to upgrade their BMW.