Connor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his
    client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
    "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport."
    The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
    "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed."
    Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for
    unnatural connubial practices?"
    "Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about the
    connubial."
    Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are what
    grounds you have."
    "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat-not even a window box, let alone
    grounds."
    "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a
    reason that the court can more...

    Should children witness childbirth?
    Due to a power-outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he
    helped deliver the baby.
    Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his
    little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
    The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
    Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again."

    THE ADVENTURE BEGINS:
    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head
    to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner
    comes over and asks if he can help them.
    Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat
    cage up dere,"says Gerry.
    The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and
    Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to
    drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
    At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot
    drop and says "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out
    of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
    Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,
    killing himself stone dead.
    Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy
    shakes his head and says "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n
    dangerous for me!"
    THERE'S MORE
    Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at more...

    Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"...
    "What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl"
    "Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin."
    "Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin."
    "Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me."
    "Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven."
    So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"

    Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"... "What have you done Tommy O'Connor" said the Priest. "I had sex with a girl""Who was it Tommy?" "I cannot tell you Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No Father, please forgive me for my sin.""Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No Father, I cannot tell you, please forgive me.""Well then, was it Sarah Martha O'Keefe?" "No Father, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay Tommy, go say 5 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you will be forgiven."So Tommy walked out to the pew where his friend Joseph was waiting... "What did you get?" asked Joseph. "Well, I got 5 Hail Marys, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads!"

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