Skier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Now that ski season is almost here, it's time to brush up on those important skiing definitions:

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European.

Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.

Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers.

Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however; the two bones of the middle ear have never been broken while skiing.

Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain technique. It's good exercise, doesn't require purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. See also Cross-Country more...

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU".

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water skier!
Water skier who?
Water skier'd of, I'm harmless!

The best slalom skier in the world
As you may know, in a slalom race the skier must pass through about 20 gates as quickly as possible. Surprisingly, one year Israel had Avrahom, the fastest slalom-skier in the world, and had great expectations for a Winter Olympics gold medal.
The day of the final came, and the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 58 seconds. The Swiss was clocked at 58.7 seconds, the German at 61.8 seconds, and the Italian at 61.1 seconds.
Then came the turn of Avrahom. The crowd waited, and waited...and then Avrahom crossed the line in. ....three minutes!
"What happened to you?" asked the team coach when Avrahom finally got back.
Avrahom replied, "Which one of those bastards fixed a mezuzah to each gate?"

One day a novice skier went up a mountain that any beginner should have avoided. No one would have blamed
her if she stayed behind. At 12 below zero, even Frosty the Snowman would have opted for a warm fire. Hardly a day for snow skiing, but her husband insisted. So she went.

While waiting in the lift line, she realized she was in dire need of a restroom. Assured there was a restroom at the top of the lift, she endured the bouncy ride, only to find there was no facility. She began to panic. Her husband had an idea: why not go out into the woods? Since she was wearing an all white outfit, she'd blend in with the snow.

What choice did she have? She skied past the tree line and arranged her ski suit at half-mast. Unfortunately, her husband hadn't told her to remove her skis. Inadvertently, she began sliding backwards across the slope, without a chance to make herself presentable. With arms flailing and skis sailing, she sped under the very
lift she'd just more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Water skier!
Water skier who?
Water skier'd of, I'm harmless!

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U. S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...