Simple Jokes

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    A priest was in the

    Hot 11 months ago

    A priest was in the confessional booth with a fairly long line of people waiting for their confession. The priest had to go to the bathroom something awful and couldn't hold it for another minute. Not wanting to upset all of the people in line, he frantically looked out the back door for another priest to help him out but there wasn't a priest to be found.Suddently the janitor pushed his broom past the back of the booth and the priest grabbed him and said, "You just gotta help me out. I have to go to the bathroom and the line is so long."It's very simple", said the Priest. "There on the wall is a chart... column A lists the sins and column B lists the penance. Just find the sin on the chart and tell them what their penance is."The janitor agreed that it sounded pretty simple and wanted to help the holy Father so he agreed to fill in for the priest in the booth while the priest hurried away to the bathroom.The very next person in line entered the booth and more...

    Simple Advice

    Hot 2 years ago

    By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace...
    The article read:
    "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
    So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished....and before leaving the house this morning I finished off bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.
    You have no idea how freakin good I feel....

    I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.
    I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
    I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
    I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
    I want to return to a time when life was simple; when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
    I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
    I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, more...

    Nawaz Sherrif comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Nawaz Sherrif: "Well Nawaz, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Nawaz Sherrif
    "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".
    He calls Advani over and says to him
    "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your
    sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!"
    "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Nawaz Sherrif is very impressed.
    He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite
    member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is more...

    Three simple rules of survival:1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face3. When camping, bring toilet paper

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