Simpson Jokes

Jessica Simpson has a new fragrance that she claims is inspired by boyfriend Tony Romo. The fragrance starts out smelling great but fades quickly.

For each Google search, choose the correct number of returned search results.*
1. "Suri Cruise" & "Looks Asian"
a). 14,700
b). 79
c). 470
2. "Suri Cruise" & "Slanty Eyes"
a). 0
b). 3
c). 15
3. "Mel Gibson was right"
a). 32
b). 1,220
c). 511
4. "John Mark Karr" & "Boyishly Sexy"
a). 0
b). 14
c). 19,000
5. "Jessica Simpson" & "John Mayer"
a). 4,470,000
b). 1,410,000
c). 9,650,000
6. "Jessica Simpson" & "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad"
a). 19,100
b). 292,000
c). 909
7. "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad" & "Repressed Homosexual"
a). 43
b). 504
c). 838
*search results as of September 14, 2006, 2:35 PM EDT
Answers: 1)c 2)c 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a

According to Life & Style Magazine, romantic sparks are flying between comedian Dane Cook and his, "Employee of the Month" co-star Jessica Simpson. Cook would not confirm the rumor, however he does list, "Comics who've F-ed Jessica Simpson" as one of his MySpace groups.

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
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Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. ***
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
***
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
***
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
***
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being more...

Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive
I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food more...