Shotgun Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American-Indian walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a 10-litre bucket of manure in the other.
The Indian says to the bartender,
"Me want Lager!"
The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up."
He then serves the Indian a
tall glass of Tennents Lager.
The Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun. He then walks out.
Five days later, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other.
He struts up to the bar and tells the bartender, "Me want beer!"
The bartender says, "Whoa there Chief, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were here... What was that all
about, anyway?" he asked.
The Indian explained, "Me training for job as government employee. Drink beer, shoot the shit, disappear for a few days, then
come back and see if somebody else has cleaned more...

This is supposed to be a true story. don't ask me if it really is.

1994's MOST BIZARRE SUICIDE

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for
Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience
in
San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the
story.

On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus
and
concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent
had
jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide
(he
left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth
floor, his
life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed
him
instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety
net
had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window
washers and
that Opus would not have more...

Upon arrival at their hunting, a group of hunters discover that there is an enormous bear sitting on the roof of the cabin. Not wanting to wait to see if the bear will leave on its own, the hunters race into the cabin, phone the game commission, and ask them to send someone out to remove the bear.
A few hours pass before a truck pulls up from the game commission. A man steps from the truck a looks over the situation. He then gets in the back of his truck and returns with his equipment which consists of a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a dog.
The man from the game commission approaches the hunters and hands one man the shotgun, tells the dog to sit next to the cabin and sets the ladder up against the cabin. Couriosity got the best of the hunter holding the shotgun and he asked the man, "How are you going to trap a bear using a ladder, a baseball bat and a dog?"
The man from the GC replied, "I'm using the ladder to climb on the roof. When I get to the more...

You might be a Republican if...
1. You have a brain
2. You have morales
3. Your bumper sticker say's "Somewhere in Massachusetts a village is missing it's idiot"
4. You totaly agree with everything Foxworthy say's
5. You bought a shotgun and THEN voted against gun control
You might become a republican if...
1. You found a brain
2. You stole someones morales
3. You bought a truck with that bumper sticker and was to lazy to take it off.
4. You're dating a Republicans daughter
5. Actually it was the guy's shotgun that changed you.
You might be a democrat if...
1. You have no brain
2. You have no morales
3. Your bumper sticker say's "eye is ejumucated, u shid bee two"
4. You don't know who Hitler is but think he has a cool name.
5. You think homosexuality is fine, but not for your kids.
You might become a democrat if...
1. You lost your brain
2. Someone stole your morales
3. You can't more...

With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."

Two buddies go duck hunting. They had been hunting for a while when one had to take a dump. So he leans his shotgun up against a fence and goes over to take care of business. Suddenly a strong gust of wind comes along. It blows his shotgun over and it accidentally discharges and shoots him right in the crotch! His buddy freaks out and loads him up in the pickup and starts speeding toward town and the nearest hospital. They finally get him into surgery and he's there for almost four hours. When he wakes up he starts calling for the doctor. The doctor finally comes in and the guy said, "Doc, am I going to O.K.?" The doctor said, "Well, there was a lot of buckshot damage. I was able to repair most of it, but now I think you need to see my brother." The guy said, "Oh, is your brother a doctor, too?" The doctor said, "No, he's a flute player, but he can show you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye!"

Gentlemen: I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You said the bill should have been paid long ago and you don't understand why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1957 I bought a sawmill on credit. In 1959 I bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a shotgun, a wine tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on credit. In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies died and the other I loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. In 1961 my father died and my mother was hung for horse rustling. A mechanic named Joe knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the doctor $88. 32 to keep the bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 1963 my son had the mumps and they went down on him; the doctor had to castrate him to save his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat turned over and I lost the biggest catfish you ever saw, and one of my sons drowned (not the castrated one). In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and more...