Handcuffs Jokes

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    Gorilla Removal

    Hot 7 years ago

    This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
    "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.
    "Boy," is the man's response.
    "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy.
    An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him."
    The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
    The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

    Gorilla Capture

    Hot 4 years ago

    As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.
    A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
    Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
    As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains
    the plan:
    - First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
    - Then I approach the gorilla and more...

    A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree.
    He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a
    stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs, and a shotgun.
    "Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner. "I'm going to climb the tree
    and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The
    trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when
    the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself,
    you slap on the handcuffs."
    "Got it," the homeowner replied. "But what's the shotgun for?"
    "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the
    Chihuahua."

    A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla that had escaped from the zoo in his tree. He quickly calls the zoo and is told that the zoo keeper will be right over.
    A short time later, the zoo keeper arrives, bringing with him a large stick, a dog, a shotgun and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions:
    "I'm going to poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls out of the tree. When he does, this trained dog will bite his balls off. The gorilla will then cross his hands, trying to protect himself, and this will give you time to put the handcuffs on him. OK?"
    "OK," the man says, "but what's the shotgun for?"
    "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the zoo keeper says, "shoot the damn dog!"

    A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry's Ape Removal.
    So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun.
    Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help:
    "Now, I'm going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. I'll then get him into the truck while he's still in a daze".
    Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks, "Hey what's the shotgun more...

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