Shot Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Microsoft software engineer went through Army basic training. One day they are out on the firing range, and the Microsoft software engineer was having a heck of a time hitting the target downrange.
Shot after shot rang out, and the reports from downrange kept coming back a miss. Finally, the Microsoft software engineer stood up, stuck his finger in the end of the barrel and pulled the trigger. This of course had the effect of blowing his digit clean off.
Grimacing through his pain, the Microsoft software engineer yelled down to the target pit 'Well, it is leaving this end just fine, the problem must be on your end!'

Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service."
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding more...

a great dane and an alsation are with their masters in the waiting room at the local vets.
the great dane decides to strike up a conversation and ask the alsation what he's in for.
well said the alsation, its a long story but it goes something like this-i was napping on the landing when the masters wife came out of the bathroom, stark naked and dripping wet, she bent over to pick a towel up and i could'nt resist, i was up there like a shot, fucking her like she'd never been fucked before, so the masters bought me in to be put down, what about you? wow! said the great dane- thats a coincidence i was also napping on the landing when the masters wife came out of the bathroom, she was wearing stockings and suspenders, but no-knickers, she bent over to pick her blouse up, and i could'nt resist, i was in like a shot, fucking her like she'd never been fucked before!.
oh, said the alsation, so your here to be put down as well then? heck no, said the great dane, i'm here to have my more...

A big time lawyer from New York went duck huting in Kansas. He shot a duck while it was in the air. It happen to land in a feild next to were he was hunting. Across a fence.
A farmer was in the feild with his tractor and saw it land on his side. The lawyer climb the fence to go get the duck.
As he reach for it. The farmer said. Put that down. Thats my duck. The lawyer said no it's not. I shot it. it's mine. The farmer said it landed on my feild it's mine.
The lawyer told the farmer that he was the best lawyer in N.Y. and he would sue him for every thing he has.
The farmer said in Kansas we don't sue people to settle dispute. We do by the 1,2, 3 kick.
The lawyer said. The 1, 2, 3 kick. Whats that.
The farmer said we kick each other until one give up. And the one who give up first can have the duck.
The lawyer was a body builder also. As he size up the farmer as he got off his tractor. He agreed to the 1, 2, 3 kick.
The farmer said. I get to go first. more...

An inmate at the insane asylum was being examined for possible release. The first question the examining doctor asked was: "What are you going to do when you leave this institution?"
"I'm gonna get me a sling shot," said the patient, "and I'm gonna come back here and break every goddam window in the place!"
After six more months of treatment, the patient was again brought before the examining doctor for possible dismissal, and the same question was put to him.
"Well, I'm going to get a job," the patient replied.
"Fine," said the doctor. "Then what?"
"I'm going to rent an apartment."
"Very good."
"Then I'm going to meet a beautiful girl."
"Excellent."
"I'm going to take the beautiful girl up to my apartment and I'm going to pull up her skirt."
"Normal, perfectly normal."
"Then I'm gonna steal her garter, make more...

There was a white guy a black guy and an aggie, The white guy said "If I have pizza for lunch one more time i am going to kill myself" The black guy said"If I have corndogs
for lunch one more time I am going to kill myself" Then the aggie said "if I have a ham sandwitch one more time I am going to kill myself" Next Day The white guy looked in his lunch box the went and shot himself. the black guy looked in his lunch box and then shot himself. the aggie looked in his lunchbox and then went and shothimself.
Later that day the police told their wifes the white guys wife said he should of just asked for something diffrent the black guys wife said the samething the aggies wife said I dont know why he shot himself he makes his own lunch!