Shave Jokes

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    Lose The Beard

    Hot 4 months ago

    A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.
    "I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.
    "My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."
    "Oh, please?" his girlfriend purred.
    "Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
    The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
    That night, John crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
    His wife stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Robert, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A WOG WHEN...................

    1. You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

    2. You carry your lunch in a Weston Produce bag because you can't fit 2 falafel chicken sandwiches, 4 oranges, 3 bananas, a jar of olives, a loaf of bread and a kebab into a regular paper lunch bag.

    3. Your father owns 5 houses, has $300, 000 in the bank, but still drives a' 76 Monaro/Kingswood.

    4. Your mother owns 3 houses, has $400, 000 in the bank but still believes she's entitled to the pension.

    5. You share one bathroom with your 5 brothers and 7 sisters, have no money, but drive a $75, 000 Club Sport.

    6. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all related somehow.

    7. You consider dunking a pack of Teddy Bear bikkies in coffee a nutritious breakfast.

    8. There are at least 30 pairs of slippers in your front hall more...

    Banta enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
    "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
    Banta places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave Banta has ever experienced. After a few strokes, Banta asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
    "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

    Everyone wonders why Muslim terrorists are so
    quick to commit suicide. Let's see now:

    No beer, no bars, no radio, no television, no
    Playboy or Penthouse, no rugby, no football, no
    basketball, no baseball, no golf, no dancing, no
    music.

    No bikinis on the beach, no nude beaches, no mini
    skirts and braless beauties.

    No BBQ pork, no ham, no bacon, no hot-dogs, no
    burgers, no lobster, no shellfish or even frozen
    seafood sticks.

    Rags for clothes and dish towels for hats.

    Constant wailing from the guy next door because
    he's sick and there are no doctors.

    Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

    You can't shave. Your wife can't shave. You can't
    even shave your wife.

    Sand is everywhere. Sand gets into everything.

    You wipe your backside with your left hand
    without toilet paper and if they catch you stealing
    they chop off your good hand and you must eat with
    your more...

    A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.' 'I have just the thing,'' says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.' 'Just place this between your cheek and gum.''

    The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech,' 'And what if I swallow it?''' 'No problem,'' says the barber.' 'Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.''

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