Seuss Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

    What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.
    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
    If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.
    If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
    And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy more...

    What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you more...

    The OJ trial as Told by Dr. Seuss

    I did not kill my lovely wife.
    I did not slash her with a knife.
    I did not bonk her on the head.
    I did not know that she was dead.

    I stayed at home that fateful night.
    I took a limo, then took a flight.
    The bag I had was just for me.
    My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!

    When I came home, I had a gash.
    My hand was cut from broken glass.
    I cut my hand on broken glass.
    A broken glass did cause that gash.

    My friend, he took me for a ride.
    All through LA, from side to side.
    From north to south, we took a ride.
    But from the cops we could not hide.

    My trial lasted for a year.
    A year! A year! Just sitting here!
    The DNA, the HEM, the HAW!
    The circus-hype the viewers saw!
    A year! A year! Just sitting here!

    Did you do this awful crime?
    Did you do this anytime?
    I did not do this awful crime.
    I could not, more...

    President Clinton's Testimony
    by Dr. Seuss

    I did not do it in a car
    I did not do it in a bar

    I did not do it in the dark
    I did not do it in the park

    I did not do it on a date
    I did not ever fornicate

    I did not do it at a dance
    I did not do it in her pants

    I did not get beyond first base
    I did not do it in her face

    I never did it in a bed
    If you think that, you've been misled

    I did not do it with a groan
    I did not do it on the phone

    I did not cause her dress to stain
    I never boinked Saddam Hussein

    I did not do it with a whip
    I never fondled Linda Tripp

    I never acted really silly
    With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

    There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
    I chased her' round, but could not catch her
    No kinky stuff, not on your life
    I wouldn't, even with my wife

    And Gennifer Flowers' more...

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