Seuss Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

    The OJ trial as Told by Dr. Seuss

    I did not kill my lovely wife.
    I did not slash her with a knife.
    I did not bonk her on the head.
    I did not know that she was dead.

    I stayed at home that fateful night.
    I took a limo, then took a flight.
    The bag I had was just for me.
    My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!

    When I came home, I had a gash.
    My hand was cut from broken glass.
    I cut my hand on broken glass.
    A broken glass did cause that gash.

    My friend, he took me for a ride.
    All through LA, from side to side.
    From north to south, we took a ride.
    But from the cops we could not hide.

    My trial lasted for a year.
    A year! A year! Just sitting here!
    The DNA, the HEM, the HAW!
    The circus-hype the viewers saw!
    A year! A year! Just sitting here!

    Did you do this awful crime?
    Did you do this anytime?
    I did not do this awful crime.
    I could not, more...

    President Clinton's Testimony
    by Dr. Seuss

    I did not do it in a car
    I did not do it in a bar

    I did not do it in the dark
    I did not do it in the park

    I did not do it on a date
    I did not ever fornicate

    I did not do it at a dance
    I did not do it in her pants

    I did not get beyond first base
    I did not do it in her face

    I never did it in a bed
    If you think that, you've been misled

    I did not do it with a groan
    I did not do it on the phone

    I did not cause her dress to stain
    I never boinked Saddam Hussein

    I did not do it with a whip
    I never fondled Linda Tripp

    I never acted really silly
    With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

    There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
    I chased her' round, but could not catch her
    No kinky stuff, not on your life
    I wouldn't, even with my wife

    And Gennifer Flowers' more...

    Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great,
    But... there are problems that can't wait!
    Now Benton's fine, and Carter too,
    But Ross and Susan just won't do!
    Now who do you think that we should hire,
    Since both of them today I'll fire?
    Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...
    Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...
    Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...
    But the paramedics just pulled up.
    Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got?
    Shep: This little boy has just been shot!
    His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.
    We did all we could to stop the leak.
    Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip...
    Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?
    Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair,
    So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.
    Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!
    Doug and Susan! Come with me!
    Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see?
    We've more...

    Read this as if it were a Dr. Seuss story. Enjoy!!
    I am Starr.
    Starr I are.
    I'm a brilliant barri-star.
    I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
    Did you grope her in your house?
    Did you grope beneath her blouse?
    Did she give you gifts and ties?
    Were you spied by prying eyes?
    I did not do that here or there!
    I did not do that anywhere!
    I did not do that in a chair!
    I went not near her giant hair!
    I did not join-even for fun,
    The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
    So stow your feathers and your tar.
    I did not do her, Starr you are!
    Did you smile?
    Did you flirt?
    Did you peek beneath her skirt?
    And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify?
    That is it; you've gone too far!
    I do not like you, Starr you are!
    I will not answer any more!
    In fact, I think I'll start a war!
    The public's easy to distract,
    When bombs are falling in Iraq!

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