Seuss Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    President Clinton's Testimony
    by Dr. Seuss

    I did not do it in a car
    I did not do it in a bar

    I did not do it in the dark
    I did not do it in the park

    I did not do it on a date
    I did not ever fornicate

    I did not do it at a dance
    I did not do it in her pants

    I did not get beyond first base
    I did not do it in her face

    I never did it in a bed
    If you think that, you've been misled

    I did not do it with a groan
    I did not do it on the phone

    I did not cause her dress to stain
    I never boinked Saddam Hussein

    I did not do it with a whip
    I never fondled Linda Tripp

    I never acted really silly
    With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

    There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
    I chased her' round, but could not catch her
    No kinky stuff, not on your life
    I wouldn't, even with my wife

    And Gennifer Flowers' more...

    Dr. Seuss Episode of ER

    Hot 5 months ago

    Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great,
    But... there are problems that can't wait!
    Now Benton's fine, and Carter too,
    But Ross and Susan just won't do!
    Now who do you think that we should hire,
    Since both of them today I'll fire?
    Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...
    Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...
    Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...
    But the paramedics just pulled up.
    Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got?
    Shep: This little boy has just been shot!
    His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.
    We did all we could to stop the leak.
    Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip...
    Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?
    Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair,
    So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.
    Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!
    Doug and Susan! Come with me!
    Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see?
    We've more...

    Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

    Read this as if it were a Dr. Seuss story. Enjoy!!
    I am Starr.
    Starr I are.
    I'm a brilliant barri-star.
    I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
    Did you grope her in your house?
    Did you grope beneath her blouse?
    Did she give you gifts and ties?
    Were you spied by prying eyes?
    I did not do that here or there!
    I did not do that anywhere!
    I did not do that in a chair!
    I went not near her giant hair!
    I did not join-even for fun,
    The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
    So stow your feathers and your tar.
    I did not do her, Starr you are!
    Did you smile?
    Did you flirt?
    Did you peek beneath her skirt?
    And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify?
    That is it; you've gone too far!
    I do not like you, Starr you are!
    I will not answer any more!
    In fact, I think I'll start a war!
    The public's easy to distract,
    When bombs are falling in Iraq!

    What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.
    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
    If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles, perhaps this will.
    If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
    And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss So your icons in the window are as wavy more...

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