Sessions Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cyber-Sex Dear John Letter:
You never know, this might come in handy one day.

Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),

I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:

_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer to me has hurt my feelings.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:
? __ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.
? __ You typed: "I more...

Being a little nervous about hearing confessions, the new priest asked an older priest to sit in on his sessions. After hearing a few confessions, the older priest asked him to step out of the confessional so he could give him a few suggestions.
"Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand," the older priest suggested.
The new priest did as suggested. Again the older priest took him aside.
The older priest said, "Try saying things like, I understand, yes, I see, continue, how do you feel about that?"
The new priest again did as suggested.
After the new priest's sessions were completed, the older priest said to him, "There now, don't you think that was a little better than chuckling, slapping your knee and saying, 'No shit, what happened next?'"

These are some memos found in the trash behind the primary building of
the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetents) in Washington, D.C. They're
probably classified information, and possession of them on your computer
system no doubt is considered a federal offense. Enjoy!
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
This small Wacko cult isn't giving in. Do you have any instructions?
Agent 2x3276
>To: ATF Agent 2x3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Try playing "Feelings" over and over again 24 hours a day. That should
get the point across.
The Director
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, playing "Feelings" over
and over again 24 hours a day has succeeded only in convincing the Wacko folks
that the end of the world is at hand. They're a bit less cooperative now.
Any more more...

After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient: Congratulations, Sir, you are cured. The patient says: Some cure. Before I was Alexander the Great. Now I`m nobody.

CYBER BREAK UP LETTER
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),
I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer to me has hurt my feelings.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:
· __ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.
· __ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman.
· __ You typed your own name at the more...