Score Jokes / Recent Jokes
Golfer John Daly has begun losing feeling in his hands. Luckily, he can still open beer bottles with his teeth. Daly recently posted his worst score ever in a regular PGA Tour event. His score was so high observers mistook it for his blood alcohol level.
TOP 10 REASONS BASEBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...
10. It is legal to play professionally
9. You can count on it at least 4 times a week
8. You have a coach to tell you when to advance
7. When you are tired, you always get relieved
6. If you strike out once, you still have at least 2 more times to get a hit
5. Up to 4 people can score at once
4. Pop ups are frequent
3. 30,000 people cheer when you score
2. After 7 innings, you get to stretch
1. You can get a homerun without any foreplay
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
? There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. "Wow!" he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -"Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -"Touchdown, tie score!"Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
"If you're such a good fortune-teller, you should be able to tell me the score of tonight's hockey game before it starts!" "Before the game starts, the score will be nothing to nothing."
SAT score decayAs we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years. The following may be the reason why. A math problem in the 60'sA logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this price. What is his profit? A math problem in the 70'sA logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of porduction is four-fifths of this price, or $80. What is his profit? A math problem in the 70's using New MathA logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C of the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set M, and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set P of profits? A math problem in the 80'sA logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80, and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20. A math problem in the 90's under Outcome Based more...