Salesman Jokes / Recent Jokes
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. "Pleasedescribe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertainsuspicions as to your wifes fidelity.""Well, Im pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturallywhen I am home, Im attentive to the wife." "One Sunday morning," he continued,"we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in theapartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, Cant you at least stop allthat racket on the weekends?
The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company`s production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it". At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer`s microphone. "Where is my father?" he asked. There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out. On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa. Clever Guest laughed. "Actually", he said, "My father is dead"! It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question more...
What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?"O. K., you asked for it," the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25, 000 and another for $50, 000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20, 000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. more...
UNDER CONTROL
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
SLEEP WITH ME
Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.
SWEET TASTE
Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U. S? ??
Because the people started licking the wrong side!
SIMPLE MATHS
How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply!
ON FIRE! !
Lady: "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall" Lady: "O. K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 miles an hour when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running along beside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour, the chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he knew about the chicken. As a matter of fact, the farmer said that his son was a geneticist. And he had developed this breed of chicken because the three of them each like a drumstick when they have chicken, and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
The salesman said, "That's the most fantastic story I have ever heard. How do they taste?" The farmer said, "I don't know. We can't catch' em."
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater."