Okay, I'm a hypocrite. (Hippycrite?) Sue me. I used to like Christmas back
then. Besides, it took me ages to find this, so you are getting it whether you
want it or not.
From the Bench Racer 1962, stolen from the Foothills Street Rod Association
at fsra. org
'Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the pad,
Not a hep cat was swinging - and that's nowhere, dad,
The stove was hung up in that stocking routine,
Like, maybe the fat man would soon make the scene.
The kids that fell by had just made the street;
I was ready for Snoresville, and man, was I beat;
When there started a rumble that came on real frantic,
So I opened the window to figure the panic.
I saw a slick rod that was making fat tracks,
Souped up by eight ponies, all wearing hat racks;
And a funny old geezer was flipping his lid.
He told them to make it, and man, like they more...
The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to his class at MIT. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool cloth in the other, he told the class,' You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod...' That was pretty much the end of learning for that day.
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."
Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod). When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him. "So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?" "Not scared. .." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin'' bout ten ten years ago now". "Oh yeah?. .. so. ..?" "Wel l, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good chisler. He never more...
Ten common fishing terms explainedCatch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit. Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook). Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend. Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop. Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard. Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish. School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid more...