Republic Jokes

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    Only the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) can assure economic prosperity. Only the CCP can maintain societal stability. No one wants freedom. All Chinese demand national reunification meaning that the mainland must take over Taiwan. The one child policy works. China is capitalist. The Tiananmen Massacre was necessary in order to prevent chaos. Only the CCP produces people capable of leading the country. Deng Xiaoping intended to implement democracy. 1 country 2 systems works. Mao unified China. Falun Gong wants to destroy China. The CCP opposes corruption. CCP is like the sun. The CCP cares about Chinese. The People's Liberation Army (PLA) has the ability to invade and take over Taiwan. The PLA won the 1979 war with Vietnam. 1 million dead PLA' volunteers' in Korea constituted a victory. The PLA knows how to maintain the modern Russian aircraft and ships that it purchased Zhu Rongji wants to clean up corruption. Mainland corruption is not creeping into Hong Kong. Falun Gong is a more...

    It seems that the Republic of Korea, under pressure, decided to hold
    free and fair elections, U.S.-style. They decided to go all out: voter
    registration drives, canvasses, polls, high quality voting machines
    from the Chicago Voting Machine Company, the whole bit.
    Anyhow, the campaigns were mounted, the elections held, the results
    tallied, and sure enough, the new President-elect of the
    Republic of Korea was Richard J. Daley.

    REDMOND, WA - Microsoft concluded negotiations today to acquire the People's Republic of China, sources close to CEO Bill Gates revealed. The deal, valued in the billions, will cede control of the most populous nation in the world to the Gengis Kahn of the computer world.
    The newly formed corporate state will be known as Microsoft China, and will include the newly merged city of Hong Kong. "We see this acquisition as being very positive for Microsoft" a spokesman stated this morning at a dim sum breakfast for the media. "Not only do we aquire a vast workforce to manufacture our products world-wide. Thanks to years of conditioning by the Central Committee, we can also tell them as consumers what to buy!"
    The Central Committee will receive shares of Microsoft common stock, and be relocated to the Microsoft People's Recreational Camp located outside Henderson, Nevada. Microsoft will assume control of the Chinese bureaucracy.
    Rumours of Bill Gates elevating more...

    A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man."Where did you get money like this?" he asked her."Well, you see." She answered him. "I make bets.""Bets?" He wanted to know."Yes." She replied. "For instance, I'll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over. I bet that under your shorts you are white.""The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet." "I am brown all over.""Okay," the wily old lady agreed. "However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too."Okay! Okay." The president of the bank was agreeable. When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.The next day when the little old Indian lady came in more...

    By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
    February 20, 2002
    Times Observer

    To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.

    It is well known that more...

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