Ralph Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ralph Nader announced he`s running for president after a new poll found he`d get. 5% of the vote. Nader`s slogan: `Eat my dust Kucinich.` -Craig Kilborn

There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A friend approaches him and asks, "Why the long face, Ralph?"
"Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and there's just nothing left to challenge me."
His friend says, "No, you can't know everyone. Do you know Paul McCartney?"
He says, "Sure, Paul's an old friend of mine. Here, I'll show you." He goes over to a phone, dials a number. His friend overhears a British accent, "Hey Ralph, how ya doing?"
He talks for a while, but when Ralph hangs up, his friend is not really sure that it was Paul McCartney on the other end of the line, so he asks him if he knows the president.
Ralph says, "Sure, we go way back." This time he lets him listen in as he calls a private number. It sounds like the president on the other end of the line, and they go into a big discussion of the current economic scene, and Ralph offers a few more...

There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A
friend approaches him and asks, ''Why the long face, Ralph?''
''Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and
there's just nothing left to challange me.''
His friend says, ''No, you can't know everyone. Do you know Frank Sinatra?''
He says, ''Sure, Frank's an old friend of mine. Here, I'll show you.'' He
goes over to a phone, dials a number. His friend overhears, ''Hey Ralph,
how ya doing?''
He talks for a while, but when Ralph hangs up, his friend is not really sure
that it was Frank Sinatra on the other end of the line, so he asks him if he
knows Bill Clinton.
Ralph says, ''Sure, me and Billy go way back.'' This time he lets him
listen in as he calls a private number. It sounds like Bill on the other
end of the line, and they go into a big discussion of the current economic
scene, and Ralph offers a few suggestions. Drawing the more...

Ralph Nader is running for president yet again. Doesn't Ralph Nader remind you of one of those guys at a party, who can't get any pussy, so he starts cockblocking everyone else at the party.

He sees Obama talking to a hot woman, "Hey Obama, she's cute, how's your WIFE doing?"

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery. "How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously. "Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor. "Well," said the wife, "you are planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you?"

According to Page Six in the NY Post, actor Ralph "Schindlers List" Fiennes has started up a steamy romance with actress Ellen Barkin. They were spotted at a hotel cuddling before heading up to his room. However she should watch out due to the fact that Fiennes recently was urged to take an HIV test after having unprotected sex with a flight attendant on a Quantas flight.

I just hope he doesn't pass along any diseases that may rival what was passed along when Maid In Manhattan was released.

With Holloween coming this weekend, I figured I'd get my part started right with...
93-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond "dressed" as Tarzan wearing a Medicare badge.
A tobacco lobbyist dressed as a beggar ("There goes your campaign financing, Congressman").
Al Gore Disco Fever costume.
Attorney General Janet Reno dressed as Charles Manson.
Evil British nanny.
Flaming Tofu Burrito from Hell on a Stick.
Guy who ate too much Olestra.
Hillary Clinton dressed as Madonna dressed as Evita.
Jacko-Lantern.
Janet Reno's Little French Maid Outfit.
Marge Schott's less attractive, slightly more racist sister
Marv Albert, Warrior Princess.
Mighty Menstruatin' Power Ranger.
Pat Buchanan dressed as Detective Mark Fuhrman.
Positive Home Pregnancy Test.
President Jesse Helms.
Ralph Nader dressed as, well, Ralph Nader.
Redskins quarterback Gus Ferrotte dressed as Jack Kemp.
Representative Newt Gingrich dressed more...