Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes
The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two' gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a' gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls, then yelled' Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second' gotcha'?"
The old golf pro was bored early on and had already been into the cooler in the pro shop, when suddenly a young lady ran in screaming, "I was stung by a bee!"
"Where," the bleary-eyed pro asked?
"Between the first and second holes," replied the frantic young blonde.
To which the tipsy pro replied, "I told you yesterday that your stance was too wide."
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I cant find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls. As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?""Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "Just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about more...
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says, "Not bad, Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast." The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. Golf pro: "Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golf pro: "Not bad, now try taking the club out of your mouth."