Printf Jokes

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft_ Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/
#include "dos. h"
#include "win31. h"
#include "win95. h"
#include "evenmore. h"
#include "oldstuff. h"
#include "billrulz. h"
#define INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(! CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation || linux_is_present)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_linux();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if more...

Software Learning Process


Hello World.......

High School/Jr. High
===================

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END


First year in College
=====================
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.


Senior year in College
======================
(defun hello
(print
(cons' Hello (list' World))))

New professional
================
#include
void main(void)


char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf(" ");
}


Seasoned professional
=====================
#include
#include

class string

private:
int size;
char *ptr;

public:
string(): size(0), ptr(new char('')) {}

string(const more...

/* Source Code to Windows 98 */ #include "win31.h" #include "win95.h" #include "evenmore.h" #include "oldstuff.h" #include "billrulz.h" #include "monopoly.h" #define INSTALL = HARD char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; void main() { while(!CRASHED) { display_copyright_message(); display_bill_rules_message(); do_nothing_loop(); if (first_time_installation) { make_50_megabyte_swapfile(); do_nothing_loop(); totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system(); search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); disable_Netscape(); disable_RealPlayer(); disable_Corel_Products(); hang_system(); } write_something(anything); display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); do_some_stuff(); if (still_not_crashed) { display_copyright_message(); do_nothing_loop(); basically_run_windows_3.1(); do_nothing_loop(); do_nothing_loop(); } } if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(); if (fast_cpu()) { set_wait_states(lots); set_mouse(speed, very_slow); set_mouse(action, jumpy); more...

High school/Jr. High
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in college
program Hello(input, output);
begin
writeln ('Hello world');
end
Senior year in college
(defun hello
(print
(cons 'HELLO (list 'WORLD))))
New professional
#include
main (argc, argv)
int argc;
char **argv; {
printf ("Hello World!
");
}
Seasoned pro
#include
const int MAXLEN = 80;
class outstring;
class outstring {
private:
int size;
char str[MAXLEN];
public:
outstring() { size=0; }
~outstring() {size=0;}
void print();
void assign(char *chrs);
};
void outstring::print() {
int i;
for (i=0; i< size; i++)
cout " . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg:
$!
";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!
";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;
Experienced more...