"How Windows 98 really works" joke

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft_ Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/
#include "dos. h"
#include "win31. h"
#include "win95. h"
#include "evenmore. h"
#include "oldstuff. h"
#include "billrulz. h"
#define INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(! CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation || linux_is_present)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_linux();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3. 1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_cache())
{
disable_cache();
}
if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}
/* Printf("Welcome to Windows 3. 11"); */
/* Printf("Welcome to Windows95"); */
Printf("Welcome to Windows98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:swp0001. swp", O_CREATE);
while(1)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
}