Poop Jokes / Recent Jokes

there are 3 blondes speeding on the hghway, named poop, manners, and shut-up.poop fell out.Manners jumps out to help poop.a police officer pulls shut-up over.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."he said.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up!"
"wheres your manners?"
"back there pickin' up poop!"

In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom’s toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat’s vomited food.
2. I will not jump on the [xxx].
kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human’s full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night.
3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx].
sofa, carpet, drapes, my human’s leg, my human’s boss’s leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires.
4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx].
floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human’s more...

What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
"Yes you may."
Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop.
The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there?"
Johnny hesitated and said, " The fastest bird in the world."
The priest said, "Oh yeah, let's see."
"Ok" Johnny said, "On the count of 3, when I take the hat off, I want you to grab the bird."
"1 - 2 - 3." Johnny pulled the hat away and the priest grabbed the poop.
"WOW, that bird is so fast it left the poop behind" said Johnny.

As most young and weak kids are, Little Johnny was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them back, he went all out. He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible making yum yum noises. The bully without asking snatched the jar from Little Johnny’s hand and asked, “What’s in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of? ” “Well, they’re smart pills. ” “Smart pills? ” the bully asked. Then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. “Pweeuuweppblahhh!! ” he reacted. more...

there were three boys named poop jerk and maners they were riding there bikes and poop kept falling of maners kept helping him. a man drove up to jerk and said whats your name jerk jerk said the man said what he said jerk! the man said wheres your maners.jerk said in the backyard picking up poop

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just more...