Poop Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
This week, I am at home and playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is so easy, I thought I would share it with you.
1. Make the beds. What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.
2. Pick up dog poop in yard. It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.
3. Drop your shirts off at the cleaners. Duh, I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three.
This is easy! What's the fuss? Think I'll go on AOL for awhile.
4. Clean out Tupperware cabinet. Uh, that's a hard one. Got it! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.
5. Mop kitchen floor. The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6. Find something fun for the kids to do. That tinfoil in the microwave more...
THE COWBOY CODE
1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.
2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, when leaving a lady's presence.
3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA'AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.
4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.
5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.
6 . A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.
7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady's house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go someplace else. Maybe the saloon, where the stench of horse poop is no worse than more...
There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.
Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.
Officer: What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Shut Up: Shut Up!
Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?
Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.
Officer: Where's your Manners?
Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.
There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.Officer: What's your name? Shut Up: Shut Up.Officer: What's your name? Shut Up: Shut Up.Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?! Shut Up: Shut Up! Officer: Are you looking for Trouble? Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.Officer: Where's your Manners? Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.
there are 3 blonde guys speeding on the hghway, named poop, manners, and shut-up.poop fell out.Manners jumps out to help poop.a police officer pulls shut-up over.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."he said.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up!"
"wheres your manners?"
"back there pickin' up poop!"