Poop Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 more...

    There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.
    Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.
    Officer: What's your name?
    Shut Up: Shut Up.
    Officer: What's your name?
    Shut Up: Shut Up.
    Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
    Shut Up: Shut Up!
    Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?
    Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.
    Officer: Where's your Manners?
    Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.

    December 14th
    Dearest John:
    I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
    With dearest love and affection, Agnes
    December 15th
    Dearest John:
    Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
    All my love, Agnes
    December 16th
    Dear John:
    Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist... you're just too kind.
    Love Agnes
    December 17th
    Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
    Affectionately, Agnes
    December 18th
    Dearest John:
    What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just more...

    December 14thDearest John:I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.With dearest love and affection, Agnes
    December 15thDearest John:Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.All my love, Agnes
    December 16thDear John:Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist... you're just too kind.Love Agnes
    December 17thToday the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.Affectionately, Agnes
    December 18thDearest John:What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were more...

    did you ever eat poop

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