Politician Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Obamas are expecting the arrival of the First Dog in April. Actually, it's Obama's second choice of a dog. The first dog, he had some tax problems.Jay Leno

Recently, Obama's campaign manager asked him him to identify a potential running mate. "I need someone who doesn't know when to quit," said Obama. "Someone who will stick with a losing cause to the bitter end. My running mate needs to be willing to take absurd positions just to spur my thinking process. I need someone who isn't afraid to look stupid, and who has no sense of what ideas are' mainstream' or' popular.'" "For the last time," said the campaign manager, "Mike Huckabee is not an option."

A well-known politician had the misfortune of locking himself out of his car leaving the keys inside. After trying out other keys and prodding the tightly shut windowpanes, he thought he would insert a wire in the key hole and twist it round: if car thieves could open them that way why not he? Unfortunately, while he was at it, a policeman came up and grabbed him by the arm.' Whose car are you trying to steal?, he demanded gruffly.
'It's my car,' replied the politician somewhat taken aback. The policeman slapped him across the face as well as cast reflections on the fellow's relations with his mother and sister. Screaming with rage the outraged politician returned the compliments to the constable and showed him the label on the windscreen which proclaimed his name and eminence in public life. It was the turn of the policeman to apologise and make amends:' Sahib, you must forgive me! You must be the only politician who does not know how to break open a lock.

Three friends a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib, a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"

Q: What were Democrats eating the morning after Obama was elected? A: Barack-fast.

The local political leader was invited to speak to the inmates of a mental asylum.
The politician had begun his talk and had been going for about ten minutes when a fellow in the back stood up and yelled, "Oh, you don't know what you are talking about! Besides, you are talking too much. Why don't you shut up and sit down!"
"I will wait a minute until you put that man out," the politician said to the superintendent.
"Put him out?" the superintendent asked.
"Certainly not! That poor man has been here for eight years and that is the first time he has ever said anything that made any sense, sir."

There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do - and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey...
"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard more...