Phil Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a guy who worked at the grocery store named Jeff. One day a guy named Phil came in and looked for the chocolate. Jeff said,' 'I'm so sorry. We just ran out of chocolate.''
"Okay." said Phil.
Then Phil started to look around and Jeff asked, "Now What are you looking for?"
"I'm still looking for the chocolate."
"Okay fine. " said Jeff. "Spell STRAW in strawberry."
"S-T-R-A-W" "Now spell BLUE in blueberry." "B-L-U-E"
"Good. Now spell FREAK in chocolate."
"There is no FREAK in chocolate!"
NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only more...
Phil Mickelson is bending the rules of golf,by playing with an old wedge that no other player is currently using.Some are going so far as to call Mickelson a cheater.A book is even being written about the controversy: How Phil Got His Illegal Groove Back
Phil is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one at an excellent price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
A week later, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his motorcycle over to her house and finds her waiting outside for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," she says. "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Phil sits down for dinner and it's exactly as she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and no one is saying a word. So, Phil decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously furious, and her mother horrified when he sits back down, but more...
Phil, James, and Adam died and went to heaven. but there was a rule that you cant jump on clouds or else you will get a really ugly husband/wife. but Phil and James went off and did it anyway and got really ugly wifes. The next day Phil and James walked by Adam and he had a really hot wife and they asked him how he got her and he said... she jumped on a cloud.
One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton, and an EXTREMELY religious guy who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.
The plane crashed and Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to Hell, and Bill went to heaven-temporarily for 20 minutes.
On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, "Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary", and Bill Clinton replies... "Sorry, buddy, you're 15 minutes late!"
One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton, and an EXTREMELY religious guy who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.The plane crashed and Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to Hell, and Bill went to heaven-temporarily for 20 minutes.On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, "Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary", and Bill Clinton replies... "Sorry, buddy, you're 15 minutes late!"