Personalities Jokes / Recent Jokes

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why call then hot water heaters if the water is already hot?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, more...

George W Bush wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamps were not sticking properly, and become furious.
He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter.
The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Bush.
He said, "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
"You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese.
Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke.
Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
"You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
"Look you Twat," snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again."
Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts.
The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you more...

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir."

The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the Duke Of Edenbourgh over for a cup of tea. The conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was telling the Duke about her new prize horse.
After a spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"
So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to admire the horse.
At one point the Queen walked around the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling belch, with a smell that....
The Queen turned a bit red and said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had thought it was the horse!"