An inventor goes to the patent office, sees the patent officer and says, "I've got an invention; it's a folding bottle. I call it a fottle, get it? - folding bottle - fottle."
"Very nice, sir," the patent officer says. "Do you have any other inventions?"
"Yes, I do. I also have a folding carton; I call it a farton," replies the inventor.
"I'm sorry, sir," the officer says, "but that is an inappropriate name; it's disgusting."
"Oh," groans the inventor, "then I guess you wouldn't be interested in my folding bucket."
JERUSALEM - In a surprise move today, Judaism filed suit against the Catholic Church, claiming Catholicism copied the "look and feel" of the religion.
Judaism, which has held the patent on the concept of a monotheistic religion for over 3500 years as well as the copyright on Yahweh (tm) The Old Testament (tm) and the use of "CH" for the "H" sound, is suing for 2000 years of back royalties.
They are also asking that the court disallow the use of the term "Judeo-Christian" from all textbooks. The Pope was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from the Vatican stated the suit was unfounded as the patent on the concepts shared by the two religions has long expired, and that the suit violates the separation of church and state.
More news as the case develops.
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- "you can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- "oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!"And the farmer says "Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".So the patent officer does and he's like-"Man! that really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent more...
The IgNobels, an annual spoof on the Nobel Prizes, recognise some of the more improbable contributions to research and discovery. This year's prizes include...
Medicine: A paper on injuries due to falling coconuts
Physics: Solution to why shower curtains billow inwards
Biology: The invention of airtight underpants with a special charcoal filter to remove bad smells
Technology: For patenting the wheel in the year 2001 (and the Australian Patent Office for granting the patent)
Public Health: A survey of nose picking among adolescents
Psychology: An ecological study of glee in small groups of preschool children.
Peace: For creating the amusement park known as "Stalin World"
Last year, the peace award went to the Royal Navy for saving live ammunition by making sailors shout "Bang!" on training exercises.
And in 1999, a Bristol University scientist, Len Fisher, won the IgNobel for physics for his technique for dunking a biscuit more...
The owner of an apple orchard invited a local patent office representative to visit his orchard so he could apply for a patent on some of his hybrid apples. The patent officer informed the man that a patent could not be issued for apples, because hybrid or not, they were God's creation. The farmer said, "Yeah, but once you've seen and tasted my apples I'm sure you'll change your mind."
The farmer took the patent officer to one of his trees and told him to pick an apple from the tree and taste it. The patent officer picked an apple, tasted it and exclaimed, "Wow, that tastes just like an orange!" The farmer said, "Now turn it over and take a bite." The patent officer did just that and exclaimed, "Wow, this side tastes just like a banana!" The farmer said, "Now you see why I want this patented. I've developed this breed of apple scientifically."
The patent officer remained firm, that an apple or any other fruit is not eligible more...