Pat Robertson Jokes

When Pat Robertson arrives at the pearly gates Saint Peter will probably ask him.
Where in the HELL....... do you think your going?

A new greeting card is outselling traditional holiday cards in Hallmark stores across Kansas, Alabama, and Texas. Happy End of Days cards depict a firey well consuming horned demons and horney politicians, while angels, including a winged Pat Robertson, ascend to the clouds.

A musical card is also available playing Auld Lang Syne with new verses. "Should Auld Acquaintance have sinned and never live again, we wish you warmer weather then as we reach the end of days. For Auld Lang Syne my friend, for Auld Lang Syne, we'll share a cup of manna yet as we reach the end of days.

I'm trying to be optimistic, but I'm pretty sure this news is going to overshadow my prediction for the coming year, which is that there will be a "mass emailing" late in 2007. My prediction also involves terrorists, but my terrorists are much less concerned about religious extremism and much more concernced about erectile dysfunction.
Much like Pat Robertson, Jesus told me that this would happen. And then he tried to sell me a bottle of Adderol for $1.27. What a ripoff! Buddha totally undercut him with an amazing offer of $0.78 for a crate. It's like I always say, when you get deities competing in a free market, everybody wins.

God to Robertson: "There's good news and bad news. The bad news is there's
going to be a terrorist attack killing thousands of people. The good news is that all those people are fans of the 700 Club, so they're mentally negligible."

A new study reports that AIDs is no longer killing all of its sufferers.
"I need to pray harder," sighed Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson.