Orderly Jokes / Recent Jokes

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer."Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told more...

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately.He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer."Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told more...

To All Retired Military Personnel
Subject Official Command Visit
This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa
Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will
govern activities of personnel during this visit
1. No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all
native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained through the orderly
room.
2. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 220
hours. Uniform for nap pajamas, cotton, light drowsing, with kerchief,
general purpose.
3. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugarplums to dance through their
heads. This item may be picked up in the orderly room.
4. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by chimneys with care.
Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires. Individual
sections will submit stocking-hanging plans to Capt. Kringle by 0800 hours,
22 more...

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.

For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.

One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."

After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.

"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."

A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.

The general at last rolled over, more...