Orderly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
    Date ____________________
    Name _____________________
    Department ________________________
    Title _____________________________
    Supervisor _________________________
    KNOWLEDGE
    1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
    2. Knows most phases of job.
    3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
    4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
    5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
    ACCURACY
    1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
    2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
    3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
    4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
    RATE OF WORK
    1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
    2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
    3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
    4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
    5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
    DEPENDABILITY
    1. more...

    A general was confined to a military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week, he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest, and so on.
    One afternoon, an orderly entered the room.
    "Time to take your temperature, General," the orderly said.
    After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. "Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end," the orderly told him. A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and more...

    A new aid to rapid-almost magical-learning has made its appearance. Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will be so much junk.
    The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK(tm).
    Many advantages are claimed over the old-style learning and teaching aids on which most people are brought up nowadays. It has no wires, no electric circuit to break down. No connection is needed to an electricity power point. It is made entirely without mechanical parts to go wrong or need replacement.
    Anyone can use BOOK(tm), even children, and it fits comfortably into the hands. It can be conveniently used sitting in an armchair by the fire.
    How does this revoluntionary, unbelievably easy invention work?
    Basically BOOK(tm) consists only of a large number of paper sheets. These may run to hundreds where BOOK(tm) covers a lengthy program of information. Each sheet bears a number in sequence, more...

    A new aid to rapid-almost magical-learning has made its appearance.
    Indications are that if it catches on all the electronic gadgets will
    be so much junk.
    The new device is known as Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge. The
    makers generally call it by its initials, BOOK(tm).
    Many advantages are claimed over the old-style learning and teaching
    aids on which most people are brought up nowadays. It has no wires, no
    electric circuit to break down. No connection is needed to an electricity
    power point. It is made entirely without mechanical parts to go wrong or need
    replacement.
    Anyone can use BOOK(tm), even children, and it fits comfortably into the
    hands. It can be conveniently used sitting in an armchair by the fire.
    How does this revoluntionary, unbelievably easy invention work?
    Basically BOOK(tm) consists only of a large number of paper sheets.
    These may run to hundreds where BOOK(tm) covers a lengthy program of
    information. more...

    Copied from Ann Lander's Column:
    Landers: Santa's 'official' visit has special Claus in military directives.
    DEAR Ann Landers: I found this on the Internet and thought it was a hoot. I hope you will print it for Christmas. - Steve Online
    Dear Steve: Although the Internet has attracted an amazing amount of garbage, it has also made a great deal of valuable information available to millions of people. Thanks for your charming contribution. Here it is:
    This in from retired Air Force Brig. Gen. Bob Clements. Please read.
    To: All Retired Military Personnel
    Subject: Official Command Visit
    This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during this visit:
    No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained through the orderly room.
    Personnel will settle their brains for more...

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